


Oats, Rap Battles, and Insufferable Pricks

by Enchiridion88



Series: CartoonStuck [1]
Category: Adventure Time, Homestuck, Regular Show
Genre: Gen, One-Shot, Preview, SBURB, cross-over, text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3693308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enchiridion88/pseuds/Enchiridion88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rigby wakes up on a groggy Saturday morning to kicking oats, sick rhymes, and foreboding, yet idiotic warnings of events to come... One-Shot teaser for an upcoming six-way crossover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oats, Rap Battles, and Insufferable Pricks

**Author's Note:**

> This is essentially my first story on Archiveofourown, though I made a home of FanFiction.net previously.
> 
> This is just a One-Shot teaser for my eventual 6-way Cross-Over.
> 
> Enjoy.

The bright sun shines through window of an untidy bedroom on an unsuspecting day. Its inhabitants groan and roll around in their beds in a poor effort to avoid the unforgivable light.

"Ughhhhh, it's too early for this, man," mutters Rigby the raccoon from his dirty trampoline bed.

His friend Mordecai the blue jay rubs his eyes and responds, "Just shut the blinds and let me go back..." He trails off as he passes out.

Rigby looks at the clock. It's almost eight o' clock! They slept right through their alarms! "Dude!" Rigby yells breaking Mordecai's snoring.

"Agh! What! What is it?!" Mordecai responds sharply glancing quickly around the room.

"We're late for work!" the raccoon screams as he throws himself from his trampoline and rushes into the shower to get ready. Benson's threats of firing the two usually result in absolutely nothing. This time, Benson threatened to take away their cart privileges if they are late again. Without a cart, there was no way he could go the coffee shop and see Eil-er-get some lates. Plus there's Cheezers, the arcade, the movies, and practically everything else that's interesting.

As the shower turns on and the sound of water rushing through pipes becomes audible, Mordecai simply smirks and lays back in his bed. "Can't believe he forgot it's Saturday," he mutters to himself before drifting off once again.

Ten minutes later, Rigby comes waltzing out of the bathroom with a towel on. He motions to once again wake up his best friend before glancing at the calender on the closet door. Of course, he had to check the calender. In seven days his long anticipated game will come out. He has counted down the days for weeks. Then he finally checks the date and realizes he just wasted a good Saturday morning. He groans loudly and plops back on his bed. He tosses and turns for a total of ten minutes before realizing there was no way he could drift off yet again. His stress fit left him groggy and tired yet wide awake.

Giving up, Rigby trudges through the hallways to the computer. Seeing nothing better to do, he might as well start chatting up some of his bros.

With a great big yawn, Rigby clicks on the "Pesterchum" labeled icon on his desktop. This is supposed to be the latest and greatest innovation of instant messaging, but whatever. It's passe. They've only had this installed for around a month but Rigby has already met some awesome friends... and some lame ones as well.

Looks like someone's online. Rigby smirks at the name before opening up the chat window.

  
\- radicalWrestler [RW] began pestering SandwichSnackhead [SS] at 8:13 -  
RW: OOOOOOHHH you ready for that SBURB-biz!  
SS: dude you know it  
SS: ...when does it come out again?  
RW: In a week man. Dude's it's supposed to be tight! So tight! Like "dang this is tight as tight can be!"  
SS: ha can't wait either  
SS: no ones talking about it here though  
SS: no one else is that big into gaming, mostly because no one else really has any  
RW: Sounds like you're living in CHUMPTOWN!  
SS: whatever bro  
RW: So what is up Jake?  
SS: haha not much man, just chillin with some brekky  
RW: Brekky?  
SS: you know, breakfast, gotta have my chomps  
RW: That reminds me that Im starving  
SS: wow man, i see ya  
SS: just forgetting how to live  
SS: its cool, it happens to the best of us  
RW: Aww dude!  
SS: what?  
RW: Don't be like that. I was gonna eat something later  
SS: were you? were you really?  
RW: Yes!  
SS: were you really? like for reals?  
RW: ...  
RW: brb  
SS: hehe  
SS: cant outsmart the jakester  
SS: cant lie to me man  
SS: gotcha all figured out  
SS: but dude, why you gotta miss brekky?  
SS: thats the most important thing SS: it's more important than life itself  
SS: like when the great glob came down the first thing he created was brekky  
SS: cause he knew how bad the peeps were without it  
SS: then it was like "oh glob dude thanks"  
SS: and he was like "no problem"  
SS: and it blew everyones minds  
SS: cuz brekky makes you smarter  
SS: so the peeps got smart and thats when they won against the dinosaurs  
SS: but then that led to the mushroom war and all that other crazy bad smart sutff  
SS: *stuff  
SS: at least i think so  
SS: i dont know i never paid much attention in class  
SS: or ever went to class  
RW: Holy S dude what the hell?!  
RW: I'm gone for like two mins and you just spilt spagety all over the place.  
SS: i dont see anything wrong here  
RW: Are you sure YOU didn't eat your brekky?  
SS: hey you stop that!  
SS: i eat a balanced diet of 5 meals a day  
SS: i got my brekky problems all figured out  
RW: whatEVER dude  
SS: anyway, whatcha got?  
RW: Got me some Oats. Got me some toast  
RW: Know I'm it's so fly that your brekky's a roast  
RW: Cuz when Rigby's on the grill it'll be the most  
RW: I know it seems trashy but I totes deserve to BOOOOOAAAASSSTTT  
SS: man those rhymes are weak just like your oats  
SS: now sit down little boy and take some notes  
SS: gotta 4 egg omelet so fluffy that it floats  
SS: stuffed with so much cheesy goodness you'll bah like goats  
SS: oj from the biggest juicy oranges that are all bloats  
SS: its no contest my brekky is so totesssssssssssssssssssssssss  
SS: ...the best  
RW: Aw what, that's cheating!  
SS: sorry but your brekkys still beat  
SS: you cant outchef the master chef  
SS: or dish out sicker fires  
RW: maybe PG could outchef you  
SS: what? no  
SS: dude  
RW: that's something I would pay money to see  
RW: "This week on Bronze Chef...  
RW: Watch this jake dingus get rekkt by the big man himself!"  
SS: dude, what are you even talking about?  
RW: Whatever. Anyway, gtg. Getting a call  
RW: Text  
RW: Message thing  
RW: Whatever!  
SS: haha okay man, i might hit up PG after this  
SS: later  
\- SandwichSnackhead [SS] ceased pestering radicalWrestler [RW] at 8:24 -

Rigby looks at the popup menu. The name reads CG. Oh boy, not this again.

The raccoon sighs, takes a bite out of his toast, and opens up the horrible conversation. Oddly enough, no time is ever stated and the "pestering" line has been replaced.

  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling radicalWrestler [RW]  
CG: HEY DUMBASS!  
CG: JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU HOW YOU'RE ALL GOING TO ROYALLY SHIT EVERYTHING UP.  
CG: DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT POINTY EARED BASTARD THAT RUINS THE ENTIRE SESSION FOR EVERYONE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH OF AN IGNORANT DUMBASS HE IS.  
CG: ALSO, YOU'RE A TOTAL ASSHOLE IDIOT WHO IS GOING TO DRIVE EVERYTHING STRAIGHT INTO THE GROUND.  
RW: Didn't I block you like ages ago, what the F man?  
CG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOUR ANTHROPOMORPHIC FURRY INFERIOR BRAIN DOESN'T REALIZE THAT I'M NOT ON EARTH.  
RW: Okay, like what are you even talking about?  
RW: Are you high?  
RW: Like everytime we talk it's like crack-up creek behind the high school all over again  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ACTUAL F*** YOU ARE SAYING BUT YES I AM VERY HIGH. I AM SO MUCH HIGHER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE. WHEN YOU HAVE DREAMS OF BECOMING SOMETHING REALLY BIG AND HIGH I'LL JUST BE THERE TO SHIT ON YOUR SHITPARADE AND LAUGH AT YOUR FAILURE BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER BE AS HIGH AS I AM RIGHT NOW!  
CG: AND WHY THE F*** AM I GETTING BLEEPED OUT?!  
RW: hehe  
RW: ow wow  
RW: I don't know why I ever tried to block you to begin with  
RW: You're hilarious man  
RW: You're the failure who keeps harrassing me all day with no life and no girlfriend  
CG: F*** YOU!  
CG: F***!  
CG: F***!!!!!  
RW: Oh shit that's it! You got lady problems!  
RW: What, did your middle school crush turn you down?  
RW: she laughed at your plastic flowers then sat on your face?  
CG: EW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND SICK MATING RITUALS YOU DO BUT TROLL ROMANCE IS SO MUCH MORE SOPHISTICATED ON EVERY LEVEL. LIKE IT WOULD TAKE YEARS DISCUSSING THE VERY NATURE OF OUR COURTSHIP THAT YOU WOULD STILL BE LEFT DROOLING LIKE THE INSUFFERABLE PRICK YOU ARE.  
CG: AND I DON'T HAVE ANY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS THANK YOU.  
CG: *F*** YOU.  
RW: Wow... that's the saddest yet funniest thing I've seen all day.  
CG: WHATEVER, JUST TELL ME HOW TO TURN OFF THIS STUPID *** THING OFF  
RW: never gonna happen.  
RW: Also, "troll" me whenever you want. You are so stupidly funny it hurts  
CG: WHATEVER YOUR F***ING FURFAG. DON'T WORRY, I'LL BE TROLLING YOU A LOT IN THE FUTURE AND MAKING YOU "MY BITCH" AS YOU EARTHLINGS SAY.  
CG: AND SOONER OR LATER ONE OF YOU SHITBIRDS NEEDS TO REALIZE I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP!  
RW: Help what? Help you realize how much of a idiot loser you are?  
RW: WOOOAAAHHHHHH!  
CG: WHAT? THAT INSULT WASN'T EVEN THAT GOOD.  
CG: WHATEVER. UNFORTUNATELY, I'LL TALK TO YOU WHENEVER THIS ALL STARTS ROLLING.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling radicalWrestler [RW]

What a loser. What an idiot! God, just listening to that prick talk can boil blood.

Rigby frustratingly eats more oats. There's no real way to look threatening munching down brown sugar covered oatmeal, yet he at least tries by quickly shoving spoonful after spoonful into his mouth. That kid, whoever he is, is the absolute worst.

The raccoon tries to brush it behind him.

Just then, another chat request pops up. Rigby smiles quickly. This kid may too naive or young but he's just so loveable, it's kind of hard to hate him. Of course, this big heterosexual macho raccoon action hero doesn't mean that in a relationship way.

  
\- lunacornDreamer [LD] began pestering radicalWrestler [RW] at 8:39 -  
LD: Rigby, are you there?  
LD: Rigby?  
LD: ?  
RW: Woah, I'm here. Where's the fire?  
LD: I'm not feeling very chippah right now :(  
RW: What's wrong little dude?  
LD: It's that one troll meany.  
RW: Oh my god what did he do...

As Rigby proceeds to indulge in attempting to cheer up one of his best online friends, he couldn't help but recall what that idiot was talking about. Granted, he was insane and borderline retarded, but there was something about CG that stuck on Rigby's mind. What was he talking about when he'd mess everything up? Mess what up?!

He knew that the "pointy eared bastard" was Jake's friend, but what all else did he mean? How on earth was he going to "help"? Help with what?

Whatever that probably crack-heavy kid was talking about, something didn't sit right with the little raccoon. Some raw feeling ate at his gut. Does this all have something to do with that SBURB game...?

  
LD: Hello?  
LD: Rigby, are you there? :'(  
RW: Oh, yeah Private, I'm here.  
RW: Sorry, lost my train of thought.

Rigby looks out the window, gazing at the creeping sun in the sky. This was going to be a long week of waiting...

**Author's Note:**

> More characters from each fandom will be in it. Right now I'm just setting everything up. The rest of the Private-Rigby conversation will be in the PoM one-shot as will all the other major dialogue. I am still really excited for the project as a whole. For HS fans, this will replace the BETA session. So all of the trolls will be in this series, but the main four kids have been replaced by twelve characters from the four fandoms.
> 
> With all this said, I have no idea how far this will go. Right now this is a side project. I may never complete the final story, but I guarantee I will release all of the one-shots and at least start the major story.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this quick one shot. What do you think so far and will you be willing to read the final story when it comes out? What do you think is going to happen with the other Sburb players?


End file.
